The Mind of Mr. M

The last couple weeks have been crazy. I have looked at enough houses for a lifetime. In turn, I have shared my home with more realtors than I ever wanted to, that of course, being zero was an easy accomplishment.

I just don't get people today, especially the realtors that have come through our house. I mean who shows a home and lifts the toilet seats, did they actually use my bathroom as they walked through or could they not get all the information they needed without checking the bowl. How
do I know they were there, trust me, with seven women in the house you don't leave the toilet seat up, and my son doesn't even know what lifting it means.

The next thing is why would you move things around in a house that someone is living in? It seems common decency would merit a little privacy, right? I have nothing to hide, at all, but come on hampers?

It just makes me think, in the world today, can you be too cautious? I mean, it is easy for a lanlord to say sure, I will let the tenants know you are coming to the house. But who in their right mind would stick a sign on their own lawn saying hey strangers there is a key on my door let yourself in, you know?

Maybe I am tainted by the news and such, but obviously somewhere there is a key floating around that several realtors have access to, as can be gleaned from the abundance of business cards we have collected off our counter. Who screens these realtors? Backround checks? Who's to say some crazed vouyer isn't calling realtors to get walkthrough of occupied houses to know who and what is in each room? Am I starting to sound contemptuous?

I am sure most of this is sparked by sheer frustration but in reality, am I that off base?

I truly wish that I could put into words what I am feeling. I am truly at a loss...

I am feeling lost enough that I had to do something to purge my mind so I could focus on what is important...

I am not pretending to be something I am not. I am not the same me I was and it is my hope that I will not be the same me tomorrow. That being said, you are welcome to form your own opinions of me, like me or dislike me, I cannot live my life trying to be everything to everyone. I think those that attempt to will lose themselves in the process.

I am responsible for my actions, at times I am a disappointment, at times I am a surprise...but consequence or blame you will never do near as much damage to me as I have done to myself.

Sadly, those who believe they know me have only seen glimpses along a very long road...the perspective they have is the one their own eyes and ears give them...they cannot see what I see, hear what I hear...truthfully I would not want them to...not when I was a child, nor now this very moment...

I will NEVER be who you want me to be, nor will I ever be who I wanted to be...but I will always be me...and everyone will see me differently.

In our lives we see many people, some for a brief moment and some that we travel many roads with. Along that way, paths are chosen and roles are played. It seems that in our world so many people look around them and try to take what they can. They believe that they have to watch out for themselves and in doing so walk through and over others.

On the other hand there are those that spend their time lifting those around them. They try, at any cost, to make a difference in the world. They have an effect on those around them, encouraging them to be more than they are to be greater. I honestly hope that when I leave this world, there will be those that think of me fondly as a teacher, a mentor, a friend. I am not in this world to safely arrive at my destination alone, I would rather safely guide a thousand others and never see the shore myself…

O Captain my Captain! our fearful trip is done,
The ship has weathered every rack, the prize we sought is won,
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring;
But O heart! heart! heart!
O the bleeding drops of red,
Where on the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.

O Captain! my Captain! rise up and hear the bells;
Rise up--for you the flag is flung for you the bugle trills,
For you bouquets and ribboned wreaths for you the shores a-crowding,
For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;
Here Captain! dear father!
This arm beneath your head!
It is some dream that on the deck,
You've fallen cold and dead.

My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still;
My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will;
The ship is anchored safe and sound, its voyage closed and done;
From fearful trip the victor ship comes in with object won;
Exult O shores, and ring O bells!
But I, with mournful tread,
Walk the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.

Walt Whitman

It is so interesting what I hear from my daughters about their experiences in Junior High. I recently had the privilege to listen to my daughter and a few or her friends discuss one of her teachers at school.  Initially, I thought they were just bashing, as some kids do, but as I listened I noticed that their arguments weren’t the typical one you hear about notorious teachers.

They were discussing how frustrated they were that they felt like the teacher was not doing her job, because she was consistently handing them busy work and asked them to leave her alone because she was working on her Master’s Thesis.  Their complaint was based on the fact that this had happened for a few classes and that day in class the teacher got mad at them because “she was tired of hearing from all your parents” that they aren’t happy with her current methods.

So, the teacher decided to change her methods and told the kids that they could help expedite the dilemma, by help her look up information on her Thesis so she could finish it faster and then she could teach them more “fun” things.

Really? I know teachers are underpaid and many are working on getting better degrees and such but, you still have a job to do right? The last thing I think I as a tax payer should be doing is paying you to finish your degree…in most other professions you would get in a lot of trouble for something like this. How is it justified?

On another note, different teacher, different daughter…my daughter asks me, “Dad, can we go get some dry erase markers?” I asked her what for and she indicated that her teacher was offering extra-credit to any student who brought her dry-erase markers and other school supplies. This is Junior High School…my daughter then went on to say that she didn’t really need the extra credit but she felt like she need to do it to get the points because kids who never do their work could get better grades than her by bring the teacher stuff. Now, I also realize that teachers don’t have all the supplies they need and budgets are tight but I think this is a very dangerous proposition as it is one step away from forget the dry-erase markers just bring me cash for them…which is basically letting kids who can afford it buy their grades.

I know the economy is tough and I recognize that MOST teachers like to teach and like to help our children, but I still think that situations like the ones above need to be policed very carefully because in the end, a teachers influence can make or break all of our futures.