I'm not sure if this is going to be one of those blogs where I say something that I think people will agree with or one where I make myself look bad by disclosing too much information...that said...
I know that as a rule of thumb we as people shouldn't be vengeful, vindictive or otherwise eager to inflict the pain someone cause us back on them. In religious circles it is called tuning the other cheek. Common sense would say that is easier said than done, but I think it is so hard in the world we live in because not everybody plays by the same rules. Does that matter? I mean has anyone reached the point where you can forgive anyone for anything? And if you think you have reached that point, can you be sure you just haven't been pushed far enough.
On a different note, I think it's important to recognize that forgiveness comes after the fact. Someone has DONE something...I mean at that point there isn't anyway to undo it so forgiveness makes sense. But what do you do if someone is in the process of trespassing another. Do they stand there and take it so they can forgive them afterwards. That doesn't make sense.
If it is bad enough aren't you allowed the moral latitude do protect yourself. Aren't you justified in standing up for yourself to make it stop? I would think so...right? Does that mean it is all about timing. Here is my point...I know people that are constantly forgiving someone for something they are doing to them. But it just keeps happening. Somewhere deep within me, that just doesn't seem right.
So here is my thought...if you have been forgiving someone over and over for something they keep doing. One day, just out of the blue, pop them square in the nose and say, "That's for next time." If they start to get upset...just ask them to forgive you.
I don't know how it is for anyone else, but the one thing my wife and I really get tense about is money. I think that it is even more compounded as of late with the condition the economy is in and my constantly window shopping HDTV's. Ok, more the latter probably. In all seriousness, I am preparing our taxes and I notice that even with the severe hit on the economy, I made more last year than any year I have worked by nearly 30 percent. Of course, I couldn't tell that by the climate at home as we still seem to have the same discussion we did when I made less.
That just seems to baffle me. I mean, we seem to get by, but it's never enough. We by no stretch of the imagination live lavishly. In fact, my children are convinced we are poor. I know we could probably cut a few corners too...but we still stress about making it. Is this an eternal stress? Is there a specific margin of debt to income that casues someone to not care anymore. This of course is mostly directed at those still growing families, I think I would be less apt to worry if I just had my wife and I to worry about.
My wife has already informed me, here it is January, that this year will be just as stressful. We have a child on the way, my oldest needs braces and we have to pay for EFY, and two girls camps because my second oldest has hit the age to attend. On top of that, our food bill is increasing, the boy has no pants that fit, our second oldest is built different and can't wear her sister's hand me downs for fear they may look *ahem* "Hoochie," we have to figure out how to get the family to Califonia once before the baby, because it will be too much after, and our van won't hold a family of **WOW** nine, we may need to find a bigger house, the couches are falling apart, the washer is making a clicking noise.....
The thing is life continues no matter how much money you have, no matter what things you need and no matter what the economy is doing. I won't pretend that trying to make it all work, isn't stressful...but it's important that we remember why it is stressful. It's not because we like, want or need money...it is because WE HAVE A FAMILY. For me, I would rather stress about providing them than imagine what it would be like to have extra with no one to spend it on but me.
So...for this year, that HDTV can wait.
This blog is somewhat spawned by last night's blog. After I went to bed I had dreams about a bunch of memories and people that I haven't thought about in years, it was weird. In fact, I have pretty much had it going through my mind all day. Excuse me while I unload the stream of thoughts below.
I think that we as people are very interesting. I mean when we are born we spend years with our parents and families being taught not to talk to strangers with limited contact until we are old enough to go to school. But once, we are old enough, I guess it is ok to talk to strangers after all, because as far as I can remember, I didn't know any of the kids or my teacher the first day of school and my parents seemed fine with leaving me there.
That begins one of the strangest cycles in interpersonal relationships. We start making friends but we really have no criteria and don't know how to manage them really. I mean I think of all the wonderful people and memories you create throughout school...then think about how life really dictates what happens to those relationships. Now, I know this isn't the case for everyone, this is my case. But, my parents moved me out of the Bay Area my sophomore year and I "lost" most of those friendships. It was tragic for me...as I didn't have that many.
But, I settled into a new area with a clean slate and talked to more strangers and made new and different relationships only to move again.
All through this process, I totally changed and became someone completely different. So all those people that I knew in both those places really no longer know me... and in turn no longer knew them.
Now here I sit years later with tons of memories that really aren't any fun to share with new strangers. I need my old strangers to laugh, cry and relate to my old memories. Does that make sense?...ironically facebook, is currently filling that void. Now for the plot twist...
All of us have changed in so many ways that we all get to be strangers again. Maybe someone who wasn't really ready for me to be a stranger to them before is ready for me to be a stranger to them now. It's really all quite strange don't you think?
Life is too short...if you are religious, we should make friends now and have them forever...if you aren't religious...you should make friends now, because you won't have the opportunity later...if you are indifferent...you should make friends just to argue both sides.
I better go to bed...I am rambling.
I was looking over my facebook account and realized that I have some very memorable moments with several of the people on there. With turning 36, in a few short hours, I realized that through the wonder of technology, I am still in contact with those people. I thought I would share a handful of memories and see if anyone can shares them. Names have been withheld to protect the innocent.
- My first concert was U2, Joshua Tree in Oakland. My best-friend's brother took me. They are both in my friends list at facebook.
- I was baptized on December 2, 1989 into the Church of Jesus-Christ of Latter-Day Saints. The young lady that introduced me to the church, is also a friend on facebook.
- I lettered in football and track at two different high schools. I have several friends from those teams as friends on facebook.
- I taught early morning seminary (Scripture Study) for two and a half years. Most of my sutdents are friends of mine on facebook.
- For Senior Ditch day I went to the College World Series at CSU Fresno with by best friend at the time. He is a friend on facebook. I actually had a little crush on his sister....SSHHHHH, she is also a facebook friend.
- I invited my girlfriend to Senior Prom by having two friends unroll a huge banner during half-time of the homecoming basketball game...Unchained Melody played over the PA system...and she still said yes. The person who played the song for me, the two friends that unrolled the banner and the lucky young lady who said yes are all friends on facebook.
- I was picked on and even beat up all the way through my sophomore year...thankfully I outgrew it. Yes, a few of them even have become facebook friends.
- I used to harrass a very pretty young women in my history class because she could give the meanest looks ever...she became a cheerleader for the 49ers...and remembers me harrassing her...and is also a friend on facebook.
- I have caught a pass in a real game from an NFL quarterback...of course we were in high school at the time. He went on to be great...I well let's just say went on.
- I sang (badly) in the Concert Choir in high school. Several members of that choir are friends on facebook.
- In elementary school, I wanted to grow up and be Prince, not a prince, but the artist known as the artist formerly known as Prince....I can't find him on facebook. ;-)
I just thought I would share a ritual I have. At least once every night my littlest wakes up and wants me to take her down stairs to get her cereal. It has formed into a very organized ritual from which we never deviate. Here it is.
First, she wakes up and runs from my room as fast as she can to insure that neither Rachael or I can stop her. Then she stands at the top of the stairs yelling, "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!" She will wait there until I wander bleary eyed out of bed to pick her up and take her downstairs.
Next, we go into the kitchen and open the cupboard or dishwasher to find my blue ceramic cereal bowl. It has to be that specific bowl or else we have to go back up stairs and start over. I once pulled out a white ceramic bowl of the same size and she had nothing to do with it...once I chose the right bowl she giggled and point to the pantry where the cereal lives.
Then, I place the bowl on the counter and go into get cereal, for the early morning feeding it has to be Golden Grahams...nothing else will do. We actually check to make sure we have Golden Grahams before going to bed, because I live in fear of what would happen should I have to tell her we are out.
Next, I pour the cereal in the bowl fill it half way up the cereal with milk...I have filled it more in the past only to wear the difference when trying to carry her, balance the cereal and complete my next task of finding an Elmo DVD and getting it going on the TV. Once the intro starts to the DVD, she will let me sit down. At that point, I have to cover us up with the fluffy blanket and begin feeding her cereal. She is perfectly cabable of feeding herself, but for this time with Daddy, she wants me to have my arms out in the cold holding the bowl and spoon, while she keeps her arms warm under the blanket.
Now my favorite part, the first few times we had cereal, she would stop eating before it was completely gone and I would, without thinking, finish it off and drink the remaining milk from the bowl...now when she is done eating she wants to drink the milk from the bowl regardless of how much cereal is left. She has now taken up this endearing habit, every time she eats cereal. Let's just say Mom, wasn't thrilled with my sharing this over site in etiquette.
Finally, after about fifteen minutes of Elmo, she beckons me to turn it off and take her to her Mommy to put her to bed...
I just have to say, as much as it disturbs my sleep pattern, I am not looking forward to the day she decides that she doesn't need me for that anymore.
I have to say that being a parent is quite a balancing act. Trying to balance three kids in basketball, two in gymnastics and then doctors appointments for being pregnant is nearly impossible...ok, so if you haven't guessed, I am talking about my wife.
Day in and day out she gets the kids ready for school, gets them to all their activities, makes sure they are clean, fed and she does it all without getting paid. Now, I try my best to help out when I can. I cook meals, do laundry and even pick up after myself, ok the latter sometimes. But when I think of everything else that happens to make the family work, I can't help but be impressed.
I think that is such a thankless job. I can see on my wife's face when I do try to say thank you, but her expression really tells me, "I appreciate the thought, but really you have no idea." I know that I could never substitute for the role of a mother, honestly, not sure I would want to but they are so important in the lives of a child.
So, to anyone out there who is a mother, I commend you for your efforts and abilities and ask that you please continue to do your magic, because the reality is no one could ever fill your shoes.
Thank you, Moms!!!
